


Bedtime Stories

by Lioness25



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Oral Sex, Physical Disability, Self Confidence Issues, Sexual Fantasy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1976862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lioness25/pseuds/Lioness25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nightmares are always disconcerting. They leave you feeling empty, confused, and of course, scared. What's the best thing for comfort, after you've had one? A hug? A kiss? A bedtime story? Something more? All of the above?<br/>Sometimes though, getting this from the one person you need it from, might be easier fantasized about than accomplished. Or is it?</p><p>Shoker fic, because, there simply aren't enough of them, as far as I'm concerned. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Mass Effect or its characters, blah, blah, blah. (Since if I did, Joker would have been a LI from the very start!)

 

 

 

_The world was going to hell around her. Fire raged, her skin prickled, and sweat ran down her neck and back, as she pressed forward to the bridge, to Joker. Electrical systems snapping and sparking, as she passed, as they were torn like veins from some floundering beast; yes, the Normandy was dying…these were its last moments. Each shudder, each groan of twisting metal adding to the feeling of the ship being an animal, thrashing and howling out the last moments of its agonizing death._

_And she wasn’t going to let him die with her. Damn him, and his devotion to her._

_At last she reached the bridge, heart pounding, feeling as close to desperation, to panic, as she ever had._

_Joker was still at the helm, as she knew he would be; talking, murmuring, cajoling his ship, begging her to stay together, even as she bucked and screeched in her mortally wounded state._

_She’d yelled at him, tried to get him to abandon the dying Normandy; panic choking at her, as at last unable to let him argue a second longer, she’d grabbed him by the arm, and half drug, half jogged him to the pod, as he limped along as fast as he could, the arm she’d grabbed slung across her shoulders. Stuffing him in, sealing the door, a door, she was still on the outside of._

_His eyes widened, realizing that she wasn’t coming. She watched the guilt bloom over his face, as he pressed his hands to the pod door, turning them to fists, screaming, screaming, screaming. Tears sparkling in his green eyes; another explosion jolted her backwards, as her hand scrabbled to eject Joker’s pod, just managing to, before she was flung out into space, knocking into debris, tumbling, falling…_

_Icy death filling her lungs; then like turning off a light switch…darkness; she was gone._

_..._

Shepard gasped, coming awake, drenched in cold sweat. Several long seconds passed, her gaze glued to the gaping expanse of space above her; but slowly finding that she could breathe, that she was not having the life sucked from her lungs, and consciousness squeezed from her brain. Shepard flopped back, closed her eyes, and rubbed her hands over her face. She’d always had nightmares…but not like this.

The helplessness washing over her anew; the last seconds had ticked by in an agonizing eternity, before she slipped away, lost, unconscious, dead; tumbling, down, down, burning, like the wreckage around her.

Her last thoughts, her final feelings, had been of him, for him.

She gave her life, for his; the way it should be, a commander, dying for her men. Only, he was more than just one of her ‘men’. There had been no way she could have left him. Shepard flexed her hand, still able to faintly feel his arm in her grip, as she’d forced him to come with her. She’d probably broken his arm, she reflected; even as she did so, remembering a slight crunch.

His face, the fear, the sadness, the pain, as she forced him into the escape pod; the realization that she wasn’t coming with him…

Elizabeth gazed up at the window over her bed again, the stars looking benignly back; there was nothing colder than space, no way to describe how it felt, to have it tear the life from your body.

With a final shudder, she crawled out from under the covers, and sat on the edge of the bed, gazing about her cabin. She hated it.

Who needed all this room?

Her gaze shifted malevolently to the fish tank. Really? A fish tank on a spaceship? She shook her head slightly, as her gaze shifted, and at last alighted on the small fridge in the corner, near the couch.

Getting up, she walked over to it, smiling when she found that Chakwas had left her a gift. Shepard pulled out the bottle of whisky, opened it, and took a swig. She savored the pleasant burn, as it made its way down her throat, settling warmly in her stomach, providing an artificial relief from icy dreams. Grabbing her hoodie, to stave of the chill that she knew no amount of liquor could warm away; a cold that had been with her, since waking, confused, and really, afraid on that table, in that sterile Cerberus lab…a cold that had not left her, since coming back to life. How ironic.

Shepard settled herself on the end of the couch, taking swigs, while her mind raced, which made her take more, to try and make it stop.

After a while, her thoughts became more disjointed, but no less nagging. Also, she became aware that nearly half the bottle was gone. She smiled wryly. Yep, time for a better distraction. There was only one person, though, who could provide it, and right now, he was a deck below, likely still in his chair, or so she hoped.

It was wrong to call him a _distraction_ , she mused, no…he was _much_ more than that…and she hoped, that he, they, could be more still.

 _Where had_ that _come from? It’s been there all along, stupid!_

Shepard got to her feet a little heavily, and with only a little bit of unsteadiness, she made her way to the elevator, and headed to the bridge.

The bridge was quiet and dim as she walked forward. She had almost reached his chair, surprised that he’d not noticed her presence; she wasn’t exactly being quiet, though, she often snuck up on him, even in armor, earning her threats about fitting her with a bell, like a cat, or demands for mirrors, to see who was creeping up on him. She smirked, it was so much more fun, denying him both.

A few more steps however, showed why there had been no response from Joker. He was sound asleep, slumped down, head lolled to the side, hat half off, arms slack on their rests, one dangling almost off the edge.

His face looked absolutely peaceful. It made her smile; an odd sensation these days…if it hadn’t always been; she’d not had the nicest life. Reflecting though, there actually was a lot to smile about. The crew had been recovered, and there had been no serious damage done to them, or the ship. Most of all, the man slumped in the chair before her, was safe.

Shepard remembered clearly the gutting, cold feeling, as they’d hurried back to the ship, not knowing what they’d find, not knowing…fearing the worst. Her terror centering on him, on whether he was alright, if he was hurt.

Shepard glanced over at EDI’s plinth, finding it strange the AI hadn’t chimed in yet, but feeling thankful that she hadn’t. Maybe she was still sorting her new ‘liberated’ self out. Good. But, as a precaution, ‘’EDI, privacy please,’’ whispered Shepard.

The orb flickered a moment, then, ‘’logging out, Commander,’’

Shepard turned her full attention back to Joker, moving to stand directly in front of him in his chair, straddling his legs, as her thoughts moved back to the strand that had brought her here. She studied his face; his thin, but firm lips, the faint lines around his mouth and near his eyes, the beard that she longed to run her fingers against…

Did he have feelings for her? They’d always flirted and teased each other, since the earliest days of her command on the SR 1, at least, once she’d won his trust, which had been no small thing. Before that, he was surly, and closed, hiding behind reinforced walls of snark and sarcasm. She smiled faintly, recalling their first real encounter, when he’d basically yelled at her about his OI, assuming she was judging him, and found him as inferior as he thought himself.

Their subsequent interactions had never been serious though; at least, she pretended that they’d not been, at least for her. Besides, there was always the Frat Regs to hold them in line, not that she gave a damn about them, at least in her mind, and when it came to him; so now, what was the protocol? There were no ‘Regs’. This was a Cerberus ship. Neither of them was Alliance at the moment, so…

There was one other thing though. The manner in which she’d died; or rather the reason she had died.

Shepard watched as Joker sighed, and shifted slightly in the chair, but remained asleep.

He thought he’d killed her, or at least was the reason she’d died. Maybe he was, but there was every possibility that she’d have died anyway, or him, or both of them, and damned if she was going to let him die. Besides, she didn’t hold it against him. In fact, she felt guilty, for making him suffer those two miserable years. Years, which she had gathered, with some careful probing of Chakwas, (which was probably very transparent) had been very rough on Joker indeed.

Worse, he seemed still to be so guilty, even now that she was back. Shepard felt another wry smile twist her lips. Yes, she was _back_ , whatever that meant. She was herself, but not at all. It was like leaving a room, for what you thought was five minutes and coming back to find centuries had gone by; coupled with this new body, which did not feel like hers, often left her feeling a little disoriented, and anxious.

Which in turn made her gravitate to Joker; he was the constant in all this hell. He’d always been there. It had been such a relief, to hear his voice behind her, when The Illusive Man had told her he’d found a pilot she’d like.

Yes, he had, and yes she did. It was probably the only good thing the bastard had done.

Joker shifted again. Well, she’d come here for a reason, and it was time to find out if he had the same feelings for her, as she had for him, and if he was willing to act on them, in their new, Alliance-less condition.

Shepard shuffled the last few inches forward, her knees bumping the edge of the chair. She paused a moment longer. Was she being selfish? What if he didn’t want this at all? The thought of her horrible, cavernous cabin and the idea of leaving this perfect opportunity to return to it floated through her mind. Selfish or not, she didn’t give a damn at the moment; she’d take the risk.

Lightly, she knelt in the chair, making it shift slightly, as it took her weight, and subtle adjustment. Positioning herself so that she knelt over Joker’s lap, her strong legs easily holding her. Shepard reached out, and removed the already tenuously perched cap. She brought it to her face, inhaling lightly, closing her eyes, feeling comforted by the faint scent of sweat, leather and coffee. With one last breath, she removed it from her face and set it aside.  Reflecting briefly that Cerberus uniforms were rather ugly, as she lightly ran her hands up his chest, making him turn his head and mutter. Shepard smiled, it didn’t matter if the uniform was ugly or not, she was only interested in who was under it.

...

_The music thudded and throbbed, seeming to pound into every cell, both numbing and exhilarating, making the people, the floor, the room, all seem like they were one, all resonating with the same pulse; hot bodies, writhing and grinding, and he was one of them. The lighting was dim, and changed color, with each change in the beat. It was slightly nauseating, but thrilling at the same time, adding to the sensory overload, blurring the lines of reality, and fantasy, the line between your body, and that of your partner._

_Her hips were firm in his hands, as he threw his head back, eyes closed, as she ground herself against him. Her lips hot on his neck, licking a bead of sweat, smiling against his thumping pulse, as she added another kiss; slowly nuzzling up his throat, placing teasing kisses to his jaw, to the corner of his mouth, grazing lightly with her teeth._

_He brought his head back, capturing her lips with his own, their tongues met, sucking, fighting for dominance, as she rubbed herself against his erection, her hands gripping his butt, as he moaned into her mouth, then made a sound of annoyance, as she pulled away._

_He looked at her, opening his mouth, about to question. Her dark blue eyes sparkled in the low light, her red lips quirked into a teasing smile. Looking too hot to even be real, in a skin-tight, low cut black dress, made of a latex-like material, which picked up the pulsating, morphing colors of the lights, making it shine wetly. Her short coppery hair was mussed and damp with sweat, the freckles on her chest and cheeks, just visible in dim light._

_The people around them seemed to fade, as the music became faint. Soon, it was just the two of them. He felt the sexual arousal, so strong, so real moments ago, draining away too, as a sudden, all too familiar ache attacked his legs, hips and back._

_Right. He’d been dancing. He couldn’t dance._

_Anger, shame and disappointment flooded through him. It had felt so good…being normal…_

_And the thought of him, on an apparent date, with Shepard…Shepard looking like she looked…as impossible as the dancing._

_He met her eyes again; they were still shining; looking at him with what could only be interpreted as love, and desire, as again, the painfulness of knowing this was only a torturous dream cut at him. Her lips were still smiling, as she took a step closer to him, her hips bumping his. He could feel her warmth, her breath on his face, smell her clean, floral scent…so real, so close it hurt. She slid her hands up his chest, ‘’wake up, Jeff,’’ she whispered, her lips brushing his, as she faded entirely, and he felt himself slipping from the dream, to reality, as his eyes came open…_

...

‘’Wake up, Jeff,’’ breathed Shepard, her lips ghosting against his, as his eyes came sleepily open, then widened.

They stared at each other for a moment, as Joker’s eyebrows rose higher and higher up his forehead, his mouth half open, looking utterly stunned. It was just so cute, Shepard couldn’t supress her smile; it wasn’t often that she or indeed anyone rendered him speechless.

He stiffened as her hands slid up to cradle his head on either side, his hair slightly rough against her fingers. Shepard’s smile faded as his discomfort became obvious. She removed the gentle contact of her hands, letting them fall to her sides, hating the sinking feeling forming in her stomach; the cold embarrassment, the faint panic, the leaden loneliness…

What had she expected? Really, she knew he hated physical contact, or at least seemed to…she’d thought she knew better. Maybe this really had been all one sided.

‘’C-comander…?’’ Joker finally asked, his voice a little croaky. It seemed loud in the pressing silence. ‘’I’m sorry…’’ began Shepard, sliding one leg back, and making to leave, not quite able to meet his eyes. She paused, as he reached out, resting a hand on her hip, fingers pressing, pulling her forward.

‘’Commander, what are you doing here?’’ asked Joker quietly, his hand increasing its pressure subtly, until she lifted her leg up, and back into the chair, so that she knelt over him again.

Shepard met his eyes now; there was no point in lying, in pretending, or making up reasons for why she was here; trying to make it something it wasn’t. Now or never; she loved him, and this was the chance she’d been waiting for, she had to take it.

He looked younger without the hat; almost vulnerable somehow. He waited patiently for her to answer. It was a little surreal; when was Joker ever patient? Or snarkless, for that matter? Maybe catching him when he was sleepy had a mood altering effect or something. Or, maybe…maybe he _knew_.

‘’I couldn’t sleep,’’ began Shepard faintly, his liquid green gaze holding hers, as she watched a smile pull at the corner of his mouth.

_Shit. Here comes the snark._

‘’So, you thought you’d come see me? How sweet! Shall I read you a bedtime story? You’re in my lap already!’’ he teased, wiggling his brows, and winking.

It was like a nervous twitch or something. The man simply could not be serious for more than five minutes, without throwing out some sarcasm, reflected Shepard briefly. Oh well, it was one of his endearing qualities.

‘’Yeah, something like that,’’ murmured Shepard, ‘’got any good ones? I really need distraction,’’

_Damn. That word again!_

‘’Distraction?’’ whispered Joker, his hand sliding over her hip, and pausing tentatively at the upper curve of her butt.

‘’Yes,’’ Shepard whispered back, her voice husky, willing him to move his hand further down. Her heart sinking as he withdrew it entirely. He must have seen the confusion flash across her face, because his smirk became more pronounced, and he shrugged, ‘’I don’t just want to be a _distraction_ ,’’ he said frankly, and with unaccustomed bluntness. ‘’And I DO want to know what this is all about. I mean, what’s a cripple to think? He’s asleep, having his usual shitty dreams, and then wakes to find the…the…a really…’’ Joker’s snark faltered, and Shepard was rewarded to see  his cheeks color faintly. ‘’To find my commanding officer with her lips on mine…lips that taste like whisky’’ he finished, looking down.

‘’ I told you, I couldn’t slee-‘’ Shepard began, suddenly feeling shy, and unsure; the whisky dulling her wit, making her regret drinking it, for more than one reason. No wonder he was pulling away, what else could he think, than she was drunk, and this was meaningless…that she was using him.

‘’Elizabeth!’’ Snapped Joker, eyes locking to hers again, ‘’don’t…please, don’t tease me…’’ his moment of annoyance turning to vulnerable plea. ‘’If this is just some joke…’’ he muttered, looking ashamed.

Shepard was stunned a moment, by his use of her name, the only other time he’d used it, was when they were separated by the door of the pod…she could hear his anguished screams even now, echoing faintly in her memories, renewing the horror of the nightmare that had made her mind up to be where she currently was.

‘’I’m sorry, ‘’ she whispered, moving her hand to cup his cheek, feeling relief that he lent into the touch this time, ‘’I’m so sorry, I never meant to leave you,’’ it spilled out, ‘’But I couldn’t let you stay behind…I couldn’t…’’

Joker was silent again, seeming to hang on her every word. ‘’Tonight, I had another nightmare, I couldn’t get back to sleep, and the only person I wanted to be with, was you, so, here I am,’’ she explained quietly, shifting back to the original thread. “And, I hope you know, that I’d never tease you like that…or make a joke of you…’’ she added in a whisper.

There were tears in his eyes, ‘’you should have left me!’’ he snapped for the second time in minutes, ‘’I’m not valuable…I’m not…’’ he let out a gasp as his words were cut off, by Shepard’s mouth on his. She couldn’t stand it…his self-hatred…she had to make him see she didn’t care about his condition, and that she _did_ think he was valuable. He was the most valuable person she knew; and that this wasn’t some drunken ramble; that this was no joke.

This time, his mouth returned her invitation, his kiss firm, and passionate.

…

_I must still be dreaming._

_I mean, I’m kissing Commander fucking Shepard._

_I should stop this. It’s totally against the regs; if we get caught, we’re both screwed…and not by anything as nice as…actually screwing would be…wait, what?_

_Only…there aren’t really any regs now…_

_Am I really going to argue?_

_But, what is_ this _? Why me? I mean…I’m…I…_

_Does she really…like me?_

_Yeah…she pretty much said, she did…_

_Oh my God._

_Wow...I guess it was a lie to call them ''shitty dreams''....they became real!_

_Holy shit!_

…

Joker felt himself quickly putting his suspicions, his doubts aside, and surrendering to the situation. Giving Shepard what she needed, what she had sought out his presence for; feeling a faint pride, that she would want him, over anyone else. Well, he had been with her, from the beginning, loyal, and true. He would never abandon her. She had always seen him as a man; and not just a male, but a man, a man with needs, desires, and sexuality, that was just as valid as anyone else's, even if he didn't believe it for himself.

‘’About that story,’’ Joker murmured against her mouth, when their kisses slowed, “I think I know a pretty good one…but…I’m not sure if you want to have it here,’’

Shepard chuckled softly, ‘’It   _does_ sound like a good one,’’ she purred, ‘’I think having it here might be more fun, don’t you?’’

Joker let out a short laugh…’’yes ma’am,’’

 


	2. Story Time

 

 

 

Shepard took his face in her hands, stroking her thumbs over his scrubby beard, as they gazed quietly at each other, letting it all sink in…realizing that their feelings for each other, had been the same; along with the gravity of what Shepard’s ‘bedtime story’ was really going to entail, that the days of flirting, and teasing, were over, a realization that caused both giddiness, and slight anxiety.

After a few seconds, Joker let out a slightly nervous laugh, and then sighed.

 ‘’What?’’  Asked Shepard, quirking an eyebrow.

‘’It’s just…shit…is this _really_ happening? I mean…did you really make me an offer…and then take me up on mine…for…se-‘’

Shepard pressed her lips to his again for a moment, then pulled away, rubbing her nose lightly against his.

‘’Yes,’’ she said simply, ‘’and I’m expecting a _good_ story,’’

Joker blushed, ‘’well, stop interrupting me then babe,’’

Shepard chuckled softly, ‘’you better not call anyone else ‘babe’ from now on…’’

Joker smiled against her lips, ‘’I thought I told you to stop interrupting me?’’ he mock scolded, his voice lowering to a tone she’d never heard him use before, but one that sent a shiver up her spine.

‘’But, yeah, you’re the only babe for me…from now on, forever,’’ he breathed, before capturing her lips with his, as his hands slid to her hips, caressing her, carefully exploring.

Shepard had never been kissed like this before; most men, and actually, there had been very few…as much as most people would most likely find that hard to believe…had surprisingly let her dominate them. Maybe she had demanded it; maybe they just wanted her to. It had been the same, the few times it had gone on to sex; she had been in control, even with Kaidan.

 _Kaidan. Damn. What a mistake that had been._ Only…with this new body…it was sort of like all that, those others, in the past, had never happened…

 _What, I’m a ‘’virgin’’ again?_ The thought almost made her laugh. Yet at the same time, it was sort of true. This body had never been used for this before…

_How perfect, my first time will be with Jeff!_

So, it was surprising how Jeff was kissing her. Even though she was ‘’on top’’ he was utterly in control of the kiss, and she wanted it that way. Maybe she knew that as he could never really dominate her, physically, it was finally ok to surrender…to let herself be loved…

She gasped as his hands firmly gripped her butt, then slid down the backs of her bare thighs, sliding to the front, moving upwards, and then under her hoodie, pausing when they reached her breasts, before cupping them, making her moan against his mouth, arching back, as he thumbed against her nipples, teasing; the thin cotton of her tank top an annoying barrier to his flesh against hers.

‘’Easy,’’ he whispered, gazing up at her, as he slipped his hands out, and slowly unzipped the hoodie. Shepard shrugged out of it, and hungrily found his mouth again, confused as he gently pushed her back after a few seconds.

He grinned at her, with that cocky, cheeky smile of his, ‘’I want to admire you,’’ he whispered, ‘’take your shirt off, slow,’’ came the quiet, lustful request.

Shepard smirked, hooking her fingers under the hem of the thin white material and pulled up teasingly, sighing appreciatively, as she felt his rough beard, and hot lips press to her naked abdomen.

She removed her top the rest of the way, and tossed it aside, as Joker gave one last kiss to her stomach and looked up at her, with eyes that were molten with lust.

‘’Oh Babe…’’ He murmured, with almost painful appreciation, as he gazed over her half naked body.

‘’Like what you see then?’’  Purred Shepard, stretching her arms over her head, to show off her chest to best effect.

Joker nodded, truly speechless. Her body was perfect. Nothing, _nothing_ he’d ever seen remotely compared. Scarred or not, there was no other female this glorious.

An odd mixture of emotions washed through him; shame at having had so little sexual experience in his life, guilt at the amount of time he’d spent on the extranet, trying to make up for that, and lastly, unworthiness that this glorious woman was lavishing her body, her love, on someone like him. And perhaps, below all of that, a faint pride, a thankfulness…that this wasn’t a dream, that Shepard was really here…really wanted him.

 _But for how_ long _? Cerberus didn’t fix you_ that _good_. Hissed the nagging doubt in the margins of his thoughts.

His hands moved to her hips again, looking into her eyes, as he slowly pulled her shorts down; smiling when he found a very nice pair of lacy red panties.

‘’Please tell me you wore these just for me,’’ he murmured, running his finger under the edge over her thigh, smiling as she shivered.

Shepard smirked, ‘’Of course I did,’’

 It was half true, she’d been out of her plain old cotton kind, and so had had to resort to putting on, to her mind, these lacy horrors, that Kasumi had bought her. But, she was now glad she had.

Joker just made an appreciative hum, and kissed up her thigh, before slipping his fingers further under the sheer material.

Shepard sighed as his fingertips stroked against her labia, moaning as he teased against her sex. Joker hissed as her fingers dug into his shoulders; biting the inside of his cheek, but not stopping her…besides, between the hot, wet, inviting opening, and the painful tightness forming between his legs, he hardly felt the pain. Though, a dislocated shoulder, right now, ending this, would really, _really_ suck. Just as this went through his mind, Shepard seemed to notice he’d tensed, and relaxed her grip, slightly. He smiled, pushing slowly into her, rubbing gently, making her cry out softly, her wet running down his wrist, as his thumb found her clitoris.

Joker firmly inserted another finger, moving them vigorously, wincing as Shepard bucked harder against the pressure, her hands gripping his shoulders dangerously tight again; a cry slipping out, at the pain lancing down his arm.

His heart sunk and his cheeks flushed in shame, as Shepard stopped her grinding against his inserted digits, and opened eyes that were filled with worry.

Elizabeth relaxed her grip, as a wave of concern and embarrassment flooded her. She knew she needed to be careful…had she hurt him?

It was just too awful. Joker looked down, unable to meet her gaze, as memories of past encounter, past _failures_ assaulted him.

He was never enough for any of them. So, how could he possibly have thought that someone like Shepard would be satisfied with what he had to offer…which was nothing.

‘’Jeff…’’ inquired Elizabeth, slipping her finger under his chin, bringing his face back up, even though he resolutely, and determinedly kept his gaze fixed to a point beyond her, looking the picture of misery and embarrassment.

Despite this, Shepard smiled; his fingers were still inside her.

‘’Jeff, I’m not leaving,’’ she quietly assured, as her thumb stroked his cheek, trying to get him to look at her.

‘’Why?’’ He snapped, his response taking her aback for a second. ‘’I can’t be what you need…I can’t…’’ his angry embarrassment trailing off.

‘’Yes you can,’’ murmured Shepard, clenching against his fingers, ‘’you already are,’’ she insisted.

‘’But…’’

‘’Jeff, if you ask me to leave, I will. If you don’t want this…I won’t make you. But know this, if your reason for either of these, is because you think some other hereto unknown guy, floating around somewhere out there in the ether, is going to give me, what I’m getting, what we’re sharing, right now, you’re wrong. I leave with less, not more,’’

Joker digested this, and knew he was being selfish…even if he had a good reason to be…at least to him; knew she meant it, that is was probably true.

Just as he moved to touch her again, Shepard slid back, and off his fingers, not missing the look of worried confusion flash across his face. It made her heart twist.

‘’Wha-‘’ began Joker, hating how panicked he likely looked and sounded.

‘’Shhh,’’ soothed Shepard, slipping down out of the chair, and between his legs. ‘’It’s just a little plot twist I think you’ll like,’’ she murmured huskily, running a finger over his fly, over the firm, hot tightness between his legs. His eyes pinching shut as she did so, biting his lower lip, and stifling a cry as she kissed him through his clothes.

Shepard smiled up at him as he half opened his eyes, moaning, as she opened her mouth, gently ‘biting’ with her lips, then nuzzling with her nose; his fingers aching with how hard he gripped the rests of the chair. After a few more teasing kisses, she set to work.

It was agonizing.

Not the brittle, sharp, or aching pain like he was used to in his joints, or when he broke something; in a way it was worse.

It was so much more than a physical pain. It was raw, emotional, primal…a desperation for sexual validation and attention, the need to be loved, and appreciated.

Her hands slowly pulled his shirt out of his pants, then just as torturously, maybe even more so, undid his belt, and unzipped his fly.

Shepard smiled against his tightness, as she placed a few more kisses to him, aware how much more intense they would be, through the thin cloth of his underwear; indeed, Joker groaned, and his hips twitched in answer to her actions.

He pushed himself up, while she pulled his pants low on his hips, doing the same with his black Cerberus issued underwear. Feeling mildly disappointed he didn’t secretly wear something wilder….like leopard, or even polka dots; lips twitching at the thought, she returned to the sensuous task at hand, as Joker resettled himself in the comfy leather seat.

Joker watched as Shepard slipped her slender white hand into his underwear, biting his lower lip as her fingers closed over his hot, needy manhood. She smiled at him, with perfect red lips, using her other hand to pull the waistband down. He hissed softly, the cooler air feeling icy to his exposed flesh, as she lightly caressed him, teasing yet, appreciatively at the same time.

Shepard rubbed the tip against her lips, at first in only a teasing, whisper of a tickle, until Joker was making a strained, keening sound, knuckles white, eyes tightly shut. She smiled, and parted her lips, kissing, then licked soothingly, firmly. He tasted salty, and a little bitter, but not unpleasant.

‘’Nnngghh…fuuuuuccckkk...’’ He moaned, looking down at her, with half open eyes, as she looked back up at him, from under her lashes, eyes like sapphires.

‘’Soon,’’ she growled, smirking, and moving her mouth against him sensuously, making his eyes pinch shut again, as he leaned his head back, and jerked his hips toward her spasmodically.

Her thumb caressed his shaft, working firmly underneath, up and down, then side to side.

Maybe she did need to be in control after all. Yet, somehow, Jeff was still in control here; it was all about him, his needs, pleasing him, assuring him, which, as a result, pleased her too.

Joker knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. It had been so long since he’d done anything like this with anyone other than his hand…which never lasted too long. It was sort of part of the whole embarrassing, slightly gross process, of watching Asari porn, and jerking off, late at night, and alone; just getting a quick, empty thrill, burning off a little of the sexual frustration, but with no particular enjoyment.

The memory of her wetness against his fingers, her warmth, her softness…he needed that…needed her, to be _inside_ her.

Shepard paused in her careful ministrations, as Joker’s hand settled on her head, his fingers curling into her hair, pulling slightly. At first she took this as a sigh to go deeper, faster, but then, the gentle tugs on her hair, were clearly pulling upwards, so she pulled away, looking up at him questioningly.

‘’I need you,’’ he said hoarsely, eyes smoldering, cheeks flushed. ‘’I need…I need to be…inside you…please…’’

With a smile, Shepard gave one last kiss to his shaft, and crawled back up into the chair, hovering over him, encouraging him to lift his arms, stripping him of his shirt.

She ran her hands down his surprisingly toned chest, as he gripped her hips, fingers digging against her muscular butt. Their lips met, furious, hungry; Joker blissfully appreciative of the feeling of her breasts against his chest.

Shepard gasped, then cried out as she lowered herself, taking him in. It was a sharper, stronger discomfort than she’d been expecting. It was both slightly embarrassing, as in her own mind, she was not a virgin; while at the same time, a bit of a thrill, to have that feeling again, and for it to be with Jeff, not some vague guy, in the far distant past, in her early teens, in some human hell hole, while she struggled for life on the streets…sometimes doing things she was glad were only blurry recollections.

Joker paused, their eyes, met, he looked concerned…’’are you…? You’re not a…?’’ he murmured, looking slightly confused.

‘’Thanks to Cerberus I am…’’ she whispered, putting the cheekiest smile she could manage on her lips, as a dawning realization spread over Joker’s face.

‘’I’m _fine_ , ‘’ she insisted, grinding against him, ‘’the excitement of you being my first, cancels out…anything else,’’

After a second’s longer hesitation, Joker smiled, then murmured something that sounded a little like ‘wow,’ before pressing his mouth to hers again, and letting his hands rove up to her waist as she set a pace, bearing most of her weight on her shins and knees.

Her hands gripped the headrest of the chair, moving her hips, meeting his weak thrusts, compensating, feeling herself getting close to the edge.

Joker’s fingers dug deeper into her flesh, as he rested his forehead, against her ribcage, under her breasts, making a low moaning sound, deep in his chest; he was close too.

‘’Harder,’’ rasped Shepard, both begging and commanding, as she arched her neck back, and risked gripping his shoulders again, needing the contact with him, in these last moments.

Gripping her tighter, Joker did his best to fulfill her desire, moving as deeply and vigorously as he could, as her walls clenched against him, pushing him over the edge, as he came hard inside her. Her ragged, gasping cry, followed her own release, as her walls, slowly relaxed against him.

Spent, gasping, and sticky with sweat, he flopped back against the chair, as Shepard settled against him, boneless, and radiating warmth.

''Well...that was sure a hell of a story...''

''I told you I knew a few good ones...''

…

In the fading afterglow of their lovemaking, Shepard found she was getting a little chilly, and that her brain was slowly kicking back in, and resented it. It had been so nice, to just be lost in the bliss of the moment; savoring it, reveling in it.

Carefully, she propped herself up, as Joker sleepily opened his eyes, looking at her with a completely serine expression, the lines of care around his eyes, and framing his mouth, were softened, and he looked happier, and more relaxed than she’d ever seen him.

That was all it took, to make up her mind.

‘’Well, there’s no way I’m leaving you here for the night, and I’m sure your rack is pretty uncomfortable…’’ began Shepard, her mouth a little dry, tongue sticking to her palate.

‘’Are you trying to tell me something Commander?’’

‘’I know where there’s this really big, fluffy bed, I think you might like it. Certainly, it’s too big for just one person to sleep in…’’

‘’So, you’re inviting me to a sleepover?’’ teased Joker, smirking, and quirking a brow.

‘’Yes, I am,’’

‘’As long as you promise we won’t paint each other’s nails, do each other’s hair, or talk about our secret crushes,’’

Shepard smirked, ‘’Oh? Where’s your sense of fun? It’s _my_ sleepover after all. Besides, I’m sure you’d look absolutely too cute for words with some nice pink nails!’’

Joker glared.

‘’And you can’t deny that someone needs to do something about your hair,’’ she teased, ruffling her hand across the short brown mess on his head, deepening his glare.

‘’As for not talking about secret crushes…’’ she whispered, her lips ghosting over his, making him shiver, ‘’I don’t think I could stop myself…when he’d be right there, begging to be adored,’’

Joker blushed, ‘’Ok…we can talk about crushes,’’ he murmured against the hollow of her throat, ‘’we can also cuddle…and play drinking games, and seven minutes in heaven…clothes optional..’’

Shepard laughed, ‘’I’m excited, it’ll be my first real sleepover. Who’d have thought it’d be with my surly pilot! I’m sure Kasumi and Liara will die of jealousy,’’

Joker shrugged, ‘’too bad for them. I don’t share,’’ he looked into her eyes, with a breath-taking intensity in his green gaze, ‘’I’ll always be here for you Shepard, whatever you want, whatever you need. Always,’’

A radiating warmth filled Shepard’s chest at his statement. That was the thing about Jeff, once you were in, he would be loyal until he drew his last breath. No other man she’d been with, could she say the same of.

‘’Jeff…’’ she breathed, reaching to stroke his cheek, as he took her fingers, and kissed them, ‘’c’mon, I want to try out this bed you’ve bragged about,’’ he said, neatly deflecting things getting too mushy.

Elizabeth smiled, as a faint pinkness graced his cheekbones, and decided to let him hide his softness, replying instead, ‘’I’m sure you’ll find it will live up to your expectation.’’

‘’It better,’’ he mock pouted, ‘’you wore me out babe,’’

‘’Really? Well, I guess I better let you rest up, since I’m just getting started Flyboy,’’ Purred Shepard, giving him a meaningful look, which he returned with one of his cheekiest smirks.

‘’Oh, good, I was going to ask if this was going to become a ‘thing’,’’

‘’Yes, it’s definitely a thing,’’

‘’Good,’’

Shepard smacked his chest lightly, ‘’C’mon, that bed is waiting for us,’’

‘’Lead the way, Commander,’’

 

 

 


	3. (Bitter) Sweet Dreams

 

 

 

_‘’They’re going to arrest me.’’_

_‘’I’m going to turn myself in.’’_

How should she say it? Which one should she pick? Did it matter? It amounted to the same thing.

Besides…She knew he already knew; it was inevitable.

 So, it was easier to pretend it wasn’t going to happen, at least for now.

Would they cuff her? Drag her off, and throw away the key? Would there be a trial? Maybe they’d simply execute her…

Shepard rubbed her hands over her face. She knew she needed to stop this. There was no point thinking about it, or worrying. It was inevitable.

More upsetting though, than facing imprisonment, or worse, was knowing what he would do. He’d try and come with her. She smiled weakly.

 _I thought we were going to stop thinking about this,_ chimed the rational part of her mind, as the fretting part kicked back in; he’d say that he was just as much to blame as her, that he’d joined a terrorist group, like her, of his own free will (not that she _really_ had, as it’s pretty hard to make moral choices when you’re dead.)

Well, it was half true.

But not what she’d argue in his and other members of her crews defence.

She’d say, they’d come because she told them to, or even because she’d made them…

Yet, certainly in Jeff’s case, yes, he _had_ joined Cerberus, on his own, but not because he wanted to join a terrorist organization, not because of what they offered him medically…

He’d come for her.

And she wasn’t going to let him take the fall for that. No matter how painful separation from him would be. It would be more painful, watching him suffer.

She shuddered at the thought of him living in a prison cell, sleeping on some travesty of a bed, far more brutal than his rack; becoming stiffer, weaker…

Shepard bit the inside of her cheek, stifling an upwelling of emotion. No, he couldn’t follow her to prison, no matter how willingly he would do so.

It would be the one place, other than death, where he could not be by her side, could not steer her through. A ripple of selfishness moved through her mind, even as she reached her conclusion, trying to sway her, treacherous, and afraid, mixed with a cloying guilt, for starting their relationship, for taking his trust, only to now, leave him…cursing herself for not acting sooner. They could have had so much more time together. Or would that only have made all of this hurt more. Probably. Or maybe, if she'd acted right from the start, she wouldn't have died, she could have saved both of them...and Cerberus and it's looming consequences would never have had to happen.

Shepard rolled onto her side, the lights in her cabin were dim, the main light source, the faint bluish glow of the fish tank, lighting her companion in the bed with a dusky softness. He lay on his side, arm still partially outstretched, from where he’d had it over her most of the night, until she’d woken, and sunk into the abyss of a bleak reality, and rolled away.

 She studied Joker, her eyes trying to memorize each line, each feature; reliving last night, each expression, each sound, the way his body had moved with hers, the well of love that he had inside of him, so often hidden, given fully to her…

Shepard bit harder on her cheek. She would take the blame, she would shoulder whatever consequence came, and that was it.

It was useless to speculate...to wallow in what if's.

Taking several deep breaths, and with great effort, she managed to push the impending agony of the future aside.

Right now, here, with him, in this bed, this is what mattered, this is what she had, and this is what she wanted to think about. A world with Jeff, one of impossible, possibilities, one of love, companionship…

And sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've reached the end. Thank you for reading my work, I hope you liked it. Those of you who've left Kudos, I'm touched, thank you so much! Those of you, who might later, thank you too.


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